Why the GOP needs an Image Consultant

Every year on my flight from New York City back to Las Vegas, there is a good five minutes worth of mild turbulence that always sends me into a small anxiety attack. In my head, as the plane beings to rattle and shake, I can picture the main pilot look dejectedly at his co-pilot before pressing the button that lights the please-fasten-your-seat-belt sign on the overhead compartment. At that moment, I'm sure that the pilot and the co-pilot know of our pending doom but loses the resolve to inform the unknowing passengers on board.

It is strange and disturbing to know that this anecdote also applies metaphorically to the current situation of the Republican Party. Here I am, riding in the economy class as the supposed leaders of our party look despairingly at one another before strapping themselves in for the inevitable crash.

As I write this article, the Republican Party is literally dying. For years the Republican Party has conceded ground to the Democratic Party without even putting up a fight. We gave away New England, we let them have the entire west coast, we allowed them to pander to the Blacks, the Hispanics, the Asians, the Youth, the Catholics, and the Jews. We continually talk as if a degree from Harvard, Yale, or MIT is a bad thing, and make fools of ourselves as we dismiss social media and new technology as an unreliable gizmo.

If the party continues to progress, or rather, digress like it has done for the past few years and if the Republican Party doesn't understand that it's brand and it's image needs a fresh new start, then the Grand Ole Party is set to splinter and fizzle permanently.

I was recently grabbing cocktails with a group of friends at Veloce Cibo inside the Las Vegas M Resort when I sprung this particular dilemma of our party on the three politically apathetic friends of mine who'd been enjoying conversing about the FIFA World Cup. Suddenly the conversation had changed from Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney to Sarah Palin and John McCain.

Considerably less... contemporary?

My friend Christopher who's finishing up on his Business Administration Marketing Masters explained his perception on the plight of why the Republican Party is having problems selling it's brand.

The party, especially to those who don't follow politics, seems old and stale. Boring with zero sex appeal. The Republican Party is viewed by the general populace as a party of old white folks who are grumpy that the world seems to be leaving them behind. Also it doesn't help the GOP at all when the Democrats do such a great job painting Republicans as anti-intellectuals, as bigots, as racists, and as chauvinistic macho men who hate woman.

In essence the perception is that the Grand Ole Party has lost the Grand and has become just the Ole Party.

And of course there's the new Tea Party factor. If the Republicans and conservatives weren't having enough trouble revamping the image of the party, we now have the Tea Party representing us. The conservative movement now has wall to wall coverage of old people with missing teeth holding smudged home made posters made out of cardboard boxes with either cowboy hats or leather biker chaps with metal studs.

Compare that to Matt Damon laying the smack down on Sarah Palin's "folksy-ness" on CBS News.

Starting to see the picture?

So I asked Chris, Zack, and Maria what could be done to start remaking the party. The three of them came up with a few sensible approaches to rebuilding the GOP brand:

One of the most important things is developing a concise and non policy orientated message about the future direction of the party (IE: Yes we can/Change you can believe in). Something the Republicans can take up as a battle call that says we're brimming with solutions and we want you to be a part of it.

Equally important is finding a leader with the right credentials that's also easy on the eye, sprinkles sentences with words only found on the SATs, and preferably doesn't have an ounce of the Southern drawl. Think Ronald Reagan, David Cameron, or Nicholas Sarkozy.

On the second tier of things that the GOP needs is a "sexy issue" where the GOP stance on the issue is perceived as a positive message. Democrats want the American voters to hug trees and plant grass (cap and tax) because they want to save the world from Armageddon. Democrats want to help the (illegal) impoverished and freedom seeking "undocumented" workers find a place amongst our rich and job filled communities. Democrats want to (pay exuberant amounts of taxes) fix the broken healthcare system so children don't die of cavities.

If you take out the truth given inside the parenthesis, then the average politically apathetic minds will listen to the Democratic message and think: wow, what a positive do-good party. The Republicans have been a little bit too proud for being known as the party of no, or as Sarah Palin puts it, "hell no."

The Republicans need to market the fact that we have golden stars too. How many members of the American public realizes that President George W. Bush was one of the most popular Presidents in Africa for his compassionate foreign policy which tripled and then doubled American aid to Africa putting it roughly near 9 billion dollars?

Probably no one.

And while Democrats raged about President Bush's supposed inaction in ending genocide in Darfur, no Republican stood up and pointed to President Bush's strong record of helping curtail civil war and genocide in the Congo and Liberia.

And of course no Democrat has ever heard of President George W. Bush declaring the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands (84 million acres) as a national monument, creating the largest marine reserve to this day.

The GOP has a clear track record of undisputable "positive" policies, yet we don't ever market these events properly because we're so worried about saying "less taxes and stronger national defense," like we have for the last 7 decades.

Last but not least, the Republicans can't concede any more ground to the Democrats. This "how to talk to a liberal, if you must," mentality by Ann Coulter is ridiculous. Not only is it ridiculous but it's anti-American. It's anti-democratic. All those people and groups the GOP have written off because they don't vote or because they don't vote Republican must be sincerely re-engaged and re-introduced into the Republican Party.

That means we have to get people onto colleges and universities, that means we have to get the Republican message into black churches and catholic parishes in Latino communities. That means we have to flier China Town and buy ad space on Youtube, Facebook, and Google.

If the Republicans can revitalize some youth and positive energy into the party and stop talking about taking the country back to the 1700's when the constitution was adopted, then the Grand GOP might get it's groove back.

"Maybe even sex appeal too," Maria adds. "Like that Cristiano Ronaldo."

I laugh as Zack snorts.

"He's wouldn't be a Republican," Zack replies.

"Why not," I ask him,

"Because he's not white and decaying." Zack retorts.

Ouch.